My Nose Savior: Smith’s Minted Rose Lip Balm
Don’t let the “lip balm” part fool ya. I don’t even use this stuff on my lips! While this stuff is good on the lips (makes them soft, shiny, and it tingles a little), it’s also good everywhere else. I read somewhere this was originally formulated for diaper rash and chapped nipples from breast feeding (ha, you’re welcome for all of that rich imagery) (also, don’t google that). Since I don’t have a baby or chapped nips, I put this shit on my hands and cuticles to make them extra soft. I’m not a germaphobe, but working with people who are does rub off on you.
I tend to overuse hand sanitizer and Lysol wipes while I’m locked in my cubicle. I mean, keyboards, laptops, the mouse, phone, and countless other surfaces are just breeding grounds for some really foul shit. This all takes a toll on your hands since all of that disinfectant is really drying. I keep a tin of this stuff at my desk to rub on the my hands a few times a week. I get it all over too, rubbing it into my nails, pushing back my cuticles, and slathering it all over my palms. This also gives me an excuse to get up and get out while it all soaks into my skin. It leaves you with baby-butt-soft hands and keeps you from having those horrifying cuticles you see in nail art posts on Instagram and Pintrest. (Sidenote: SERIOUSLY LADIES?! You’re going to take the time to do fucking nail art but you’re going to neglect your chewed up nails and war-torn cuticles? No. Abso-fucking-lutely not.)
You know what else this stuff is good for? Your nose. Hear me out. Ever since a toddler coughed directly in my mouth over the weekend and gave me a cold, I have been a-snifflin’ and a-sneezin’ my ass off. You can only blow and wipe your nose so many times before your nose has had enough and turns you into a less cute version of Rudolph the Snotty-Nosed Reindeer. That picture is pretty much an accurate portrayal of me at the moment.
Let’s be graphic for a second. The nose of someone who is forced to abuse tissues is a disgusting specimen. It’s red, inflamed, dry, flaky, and sometimes, more painful to look at than it is to endure. You know what makes it feel better? Rubbing Smith’s Minted Rose Lip Balm on it. A little dab of this balm around the nostrils and on the tip of the nose, make the constant sneezing and blowing and wiping less of a hardship. It saves you from the awful flakes of dry skin that seems to pile up on the outside of the nose as it moisturizes and soothes. Plus, subsequent nose wipings and blowings are a little less traumatic since the balm is a nice buffer.
One tin lasts much longer than you would expect. Even so, stock up now before the inevitable months of close quarters encounters and the resulting colds and flus. A-CHOO!
Revlon Color Burst Lip Butter (Y’ALL)
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that this must be Paula Deen’s favorite lippy. I’m sure someone had to tell her that it wasn’t actually butter. Cut to Paula saying “I can’t believe it’s not butter!” No Paula, you can’t slather this lip butter on your deep fried donuts*, BUT you can put four sticks of it on your lips without clogging your arteries. The shades are named after sugary-treats (aka Paula’s second AND third favorite food groups), and even with heavy-handed Paulaesque application, it won’t send you into a diabetic coma**. It’s really the only butter Miss Paula should be allowed to have.
It’s safe to say that I too am a butter lover. A lip butter lover. I’m addicted to slathering my kisser with any lip balm I can get my hands on, but let’s face it, lip balm is not glamorous. Revlon’s lip butter is a hybrid of lip balm and lip stick— truly a great combo. The lip balm gives you that buttery, Paula Deen approved feel, and the lip stick gives you a smack of color. Even the boldest shades are easily wearable— more like a light stain. Peach Parfait is great for everyday since it enhances your natural lip color with a hint of shimmer. I also have Tutti Frutti, a very flattering coral, and Sweet Tart, a bright, fun pink. Of course, I only dab them on because I’m not adventerous enough to wear bright semi-lippy in public. The colors are wonderful though, my self-esteem issues aside. Bonus: these lip concoctions are unscented and unflavored. The only scented and flavored lip products I actually like are Lip Smackers.
Y’all can butter your lip biscuits here if you’re lazy. Or just go to any drugstore that sells Revlon.
This week at work I have had some downtime and have been filling my time by writing reviews of things I’ve bought at Sephora. Well, when I saw this beauty q & a on bb cream on The Cut I thought, “let’s weigh in.”
My NYMag username is “sammers,” which leads me to believe that I was drunk at the time I created my account because that was a nickname my friend gave me back in 8th grade when we were goofing around as 14 year olds do. It’s so strange to have adults address me by that name. Can I easily change that? My guess is probably not…